Day 87

The day started with hope and anxiousness. Yesterday, I got the phone call from UCLA. I knew they were going to make an offer. What kind of offer and when should I get started? With that I fell asleep and prepared to call this morning. I did not even know how to pray about it. I was so tinted by sin that I felt like I could not really go up to the Lord to pray for His help.

Finally, got the phone call. It was one job grade lower than what I applied and, of course, the pay was less than I expected (but still in range, I guess). Because of my situation, I just do not think I have much of negotiating power. Plus, it is a state institution. How to talk to them? With my wife's help, I composed an email to the top guy - can I start late? can I get a higher pay? etc. Now I am full of anxiety again. How is going to be perceived by the other end? What if they take away the offer?

God, please help me to rest my security in you. Take away my sin, and take away my anxiousness.

Paid credit card - AMEX. Ouch!.

Pray I will have time to go to China.

Staying Home (Day 86)

Day 86. Never thought I will be home for this long! This last a couple of days, I knew I had to write something to record my experience of staying home (after being laid off). This should be my dairy for activities for the day. Hopefully I will write down some lessons or failures that will be useful for me to reflect upon in the future.

Today I read Exodus 21-24. It is about the rules and regulations God gave to Israelis for them to follow. I am so thankful that God is a merciful God, and even considered giving people a day of rest - what a wonderful system ( I don't think other pagan societies had that kind of working schedules during that period of time).

Yesterday, I interviewed with DirecTV's internal audit department. I don't think I did a good job -- I was too wordy when I was giving my background and I was not able to sell my best qualities-- that kind brought me down. It felt like there was a spell casted on me that I could not speak my idea out right. That was very frustrating.

Sunday, Phil Johnson preached about using God's name inappropriately. I never thought the fourth Commandment had such a far reaching touch. It made me to exam my language.

I also need to repent my sin to God for yielding to the flesh and temptation. That was scary and frustrating too.

Dennis Geary said UCLA asked for reference from him yesterday. Pray to God that will go through -- I need a job and to provide for my family.

To Do: have a interview with Boeing today, Deloitte Webcast, Enrolled Agent exam preparation, walk on the beach, workout tonight, business card for Larry Nixon, business card for Steve Tao (think about a CPA practices - where would I get clients? what kind of clients would I get? how much to charge? what kind of services (what is my value proposation to my clients?). Needs to review Steve Tao's value system and character

Summer Book Reading

Neil came over during the lunch time. He was checking out a new apartment. Maybe we will become neighbors soon. Anyway, he recommended that I should have a list of books to read during the summer. I thought that was a great idea! Having a booklist to complete will force me to have a systematic approach to the books in our collection. Anyway, after a quick review, here is the list I come up with:

Spiritual:

1. The Glory of Heaven by John MacArthur
2. Twelve Ordinary Men by John MacArthur
3. The Attributes of God by Arthur W. Pink
4. Spiritual Leadership by J.Oswald Sanders
5. A Fight to the Death by Wayne Mack
6. Desiring God by John Piper

Others:

1. The Age of Turbulence by Alan Greenspan
2. William Carey by S Pearce Carey
3. The Man on Mao's Right by Ji Chaozhu

I should check off the list once I finish each book.

Pray that all of those books are profitable for my growth. And I stick with the reading plan with God's help.

Layoff

Yesterday, I was told that due to company's situation, I was let go. My first reaction was: Great!, praise Lord. It was an answer to the prayer. I am very relieved that the decision was finally made, and I am leaving this company. Even though I praise Lord, I know in the deep part of my heart, I harbored some discontentment about this job prior to hearing this. I was selfish, discontent, unplesant and ungrateful when I was working for this company. I was fearful of men, not loving the Lord as I should, and being useless for the Lord. So when I was told I was let go, even though I was happy, I fear that I disappointed the Lord in many instances for the last six months. Lord is gracious and He provides abundantly. Thank you, Lord!

Today while reading 1 Peter 1:6-7: " for those you greatly rejoice, even though for now, if necessary, you have been distressed for various trials. These have come so that your faith, more precious than gold, which is perishable, refined by fire, may be proved genuine and result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

What a great passage. I want to have a faith like that, precious than gold and be able to pass through fire to make it purer. I know in upcoming days there will be trials, and I am excited to see what God will bring to Cristen's and my life and how He provides. I just pray that I will not overly confident in my so called ability (which is nothing), but relying on Him and His guidance. Otherwise, I know I will disappoint myself if I rely on myself.

Poor Cristen. I love her, and I am so sorry that she has to go through this with me. But I know she is strong in the Lord and I am confident that she will be a great comforter to me. I am blessed with her.

Make me joyful, thankful and satisfied, Lord. Amen.

Market Timing

There is no better and wise way to beat the market by buy low and sell high. A good example is Bank of America (BAC). Even though I had a strong faith in this stock when it was at $19 a share (the 52-week low), I did not purchase the stock at $27.5. Instead, I got into GE. A couple of weeks later, BAC is at $30 and GE is now at $27.92. (Btw, I got into BAC at $50 range). Another good sample that applies to the normal people’s career is the current CFO of KB Home, Don Cecere, who got into the homebuilder industry at the height of the boom and make bundle of money and quit at the beginning of the downturn. He sure knows how to time his career market.

Market timing - identify the right opportunity – is a very hard thing to do, particularly during extreme markets (very low or very high). Every move is against the public belief, and most of the time you have to move your resources from other investments to invest in something that may not be successful. Market timing trade may not work. That not only requires a total devotion to the study of the market and take a calculated risk, but also requires a good understanding to the “big picture” (including self and the market) and discipline. Lesson learned: be decisive, disciplined, never regret for what you done but learn from it (for this is what the Lord blesses you with, and you will never take it away to the next life), study the market and understand the environment around you carefully, and seek for wisdom and blessing from the Lord.

Anger

Today, I have to face my anger issue again – right in the traffic while I was listening to John MacArthur’s preaching on the Lord’s return. It was horrible and uncontrollable. I thought I had self control, but in reality, it was nothing but a self-deceiving lie. I tricked myself.

It will be a never ending battle. It is discouraging (in my flesh), yet it is encouraging (that the Lord is still reminding me of my sin and help me through the sanctification process).

Thinking

Thinking is a hard thing that requires discipline. Many people may think they think throughout the day prior to the actions they undertake. But in most of the cases, when things come up, people don't really think it thoroughly, but rather react to them. And the decision is made quickly with not much of deep analysis. Most of the actions are caused by experience or rule of thumb or current situations. And such experiences are not necessarily correct. I am like that. For example, during most of the day, my mind is pretty much blank. I am just responding to the issues come up. Not much of thinking involved. There is a term for this type of behavior: Heuristic.

What kind of thinking? I think there are 2 kinds of thoughts: 1) worldly thinking that focus on self; and 2) Biblical thinking focus on Christ. The first one focuses on self that will never be wise, because the true wisdom is coming from the Lord, and such a true wisdom will always focus on the Lord. Wisdom is generated from reading and studying the Word of God. To gain a true wisdom, I need to study the Bible daily and memorize what I learned. How important that is!

Prayers: Lord, please give me the discipline to study your words daily and be able to apply them in my daily thoughts and actions. Help me to focus on you and gain wisdom as you grant it to me. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ I pray.